How To Be Happy In Relationships

We all know that communication is vital to happy relationships but exactly what type of communication makes a real difference. You need to pay attention to 4 possible responses to your partner’s good news to discover how happy your relationship is.

Have you noticed how your respond to your partner when they share some good news with you; or how they respond to you in similar circumstances? Do you sometimes feel buoyed up by what they say and feel happier as a result. At other times does their response not really match with what you hoped to hear and leaves you feeling a little down and unsure about yourself?

Well it turns out that how your partner responds to your good news and you to theirs is a very good predictor of how happy the relationship is and how long it might last.

Here are four possible responses that you might be familiar with.

Let’s take the example of partner coming home one evening and telling you how they received great praise from their boss for a job well done:

Response #1
“That’s really great. I know you worked hard on that project so its good that you get recognised for it”

Response #2
“That’s nice.”

Response #3
“Great, but it wasn’t so difficult a task really, was it?”

Response #4
“Well, do you want to hear what happened to me today?”

It’s not surprise that Response #1 gets the prizes because it’s positive and constructive. When your partners responds to you like this, can you imagine how it makes you feel? It makes you feel better about yourself and isn’t this what we want from our partners? And isn’t this what we need to offer in return to sustain a happy relationship?

All of the others responses fall somewhat short in the ‘feel good about yourself’ stakes. Response #2 is passive rather than constructive. Response #3 is negative and tending towards the destructive. While Response #4 is all out destructive. If you are getting, or giving, responses like #2, #3 or #4 on a regular basis perhaps its time to appraise where your relationship is going because it’s likely to be heading towards the rocks.

But of course it’s not all good news in relationships and sometimes we have t o deal with negative news. However, surprisingly, research suggests that how we deal with negative news is not as important to a happy relationship as how we deal with positive news.

Apparently positive responses to positive news are a much better predictor of strong and happy relationships than any responses to negative news. It seems relationships are built on how good we feel about ourselves and our partners can make a powerful difference to that and help create a happy and lasting relationship.

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